I don't know where I'd be,
Without my umbrella,
Who keeps me dry from the storm,
No matter how terrible it may be.
I don't know where I'd be,
If his ears weren't there,
To listen to my "exciting" life,
And help me smile again.
I don't know where I'd be,
If he didn't sense when things weren't right,
And magically appear,
Back into my life.
I don't know where I'd be,
If I didn't have an intelligent soul,
To talk to about my life,
And give me something to believe.
I don't know where I'd be,
If I didn't know him.
If I didn't talk to him that day,
I don't know where I'd be.
12.15.2010
Circle
I have learnt a few things about myself,
From this year of hell.
I've learnt that I cannot be held responsible
For what I text past midnight.
I've learnt that I cannot help how I feel,
For what I have fears of,
I've learnt the lesson from that disastrous mess,
The lesson of being prepared.
I've learnt that life never goes as planned,
And no one's ever what you thought.
I've learnt to not cry,
When it comes to others.
Take me seriously,
Take me literally,
Take what I write, and read between the lines.
Take what I write, and assume.
But there's always going to be,
One lesson you need to learn.
I'm the one thing you'll want but not need,
I'm the one thing you'll need but not want.
It's the circle of our lives.
From this year of hell.
I've learnt that I cannot be held responsible
For what I text past midnight.
I've learnt that I cannot help how I feel,
For what I have fears of,
I've learnt the lesson from that disastrous mess,
The lesson of being prepared.
I've learnt that life never goes as planned,
And no one's ever what you thought.
I've learnt to not cry,
When it comes to others.
Take me seriously,
Take me literally,
Take what I write, and read between the lines.
Take what I write, and assume.
But there's always going to be,
One lesson you need to learn.
I'm the one thing you'll want but not need,
I'm the one thing you'll need but not want.
It's the circle of our lives.
12.06.2010
Fool's Gold
I speak out,
And everything's misunderstood,
You say I mean one thing,
When I know I mean another,
My words are constantly misinterpreted.
I go to speak up,
Instead of my usual silence,
But what do I say?
Do I try to formulate words,
That are just going to be,
Twisted against me?
I may be meek,
When it comes down to you,
But trust me when I say,
Take my silence as gold,
Because this round trip is old.
Gold is foolish though.
And that you should know.
And everything's misunderstood,
You say I mean one thing,
When I know I mean another,
My words are constantly misinterpreted.
I go to speak up,
Instead of my usual silence,
But what do I say?
Do I try to formulate words,
That are just going to be,
Twisted against me?
I may be meek,
When it comes down to you,
But trust me when I say,
Take my silence as gold,
Because this round trip is old.
Gold is foolish though.
And that you should know.
11.30.2010
Cares
Jumping in puddles,
I don't care if I'm drenched.
Splashing the water,
Causing chaos.
That's who I am,
That's who I'll be,
Nothing, not even you,
Will change me.
The simple things in life,
Is what brings me
Positivity.
The simple things,
Like a stranger who smiles,
And shares,
Their happy news.
Or dancing,
With your headphones on,
While you walk,
Along the busy street.
Or seeing that person,
The one who made you smile,
All those times before,
It's a rush of emotions.
And the one thing,
That causes me happiness?
Is hearing, I miss you,
Because then I know,
Someone cares.
I don't care if I'm drenched.
Splashing the water,
Causing chaos.
That's who I am,
That's who I'll be,
Nothing, not even you,
Will change me.
The simple things in life,
Is what brings me
Positivity.
The simple things,
Like a stranger who smiles,
And shares,
Their happy news.
Or dancing,
With your headphones on,
While you walk,
Along the busy street.
Or seeing that person,
The one who made you smile,
All those times before,
It's a rush of emotions.
And the one thing,
That causes me happiness?
Is hearing, I miss you,
Because then I know,
Someone cares.
11.28.2010
Stay
Catch me if you can,
I used to sing,
Until you said,
This one stupid thing.
"A small heart,
You've got one,
Closed off from pain,
Closed off from me.
A small heart,
You've got one,
You'll keep running,
Until you find the one.
I'll catch you because I can,
I'll give you the reason to stay.
I'll make sure,
All the hurt goes away."
But I say, I have potential,
To be great, to live a life,
One can only dream of,
I'm not sure if I could give it all away.
I'll keep running,
Until you give me,
The one reason,
That'd make me stay.
I used to sing,
Until you said,
This one stupid thing.
"A small heart,
You've got one,
Closed off from pain,
Closed off from me.
A small heart,
You've got one,
You'll keep running,
Until you find the one.
I'll catch you because I can,
I'll give you the reason to stay.
I'll make sure,
All the hurt goes away."
But I say, I have potential,
To be great, to live a life,
One can only dream of,
I'm not sure if I could give it all away.
I'll keep running,
Until you give me,
The one reason,
That'd make me stay.
Floored
I fell to the floor,
I've been accustomed to this feeling before.
I didn't think it would be this intense anymore,
But it still is.
How can we try,
And put fake smiles on our faces,
When we just trip over our
Goddamn shoelaces.
If I held my breath,
Every time, I'd sure to be gone
At least by now.
The pain,
Hasn't been like this in a while.
I can't even attempt to fake a smile.
I thought it was done.
But it's not,
And I don't know if it ever will be,
But for all I can do now,
Is sit on the floor.
And hope to not feel it,
Anymore.
I've been accustomed to this feeling before.
I didn't think it would be this intense anymore,
But it still is.
How can we try,
And put fake smiles on our faces,
When we just trip over our
Goddamn shoelaces.
If I held my breath,
Every time, I'd sure to be gone
At least by now.
The pain,
Hasn't been like this in a while.
I can't even attempt to fake a smile.
I thought it was done.
But it's not,
And I don't know if it ever will be,
But for all I can do now,
Is sit on the floor.
And hope to not feel it,
Anymore.
11.25.2010
Secrets
We hide things,
To protect those we care about
In all honesty though,
Do we?
We hide things,
To protect ourselves,
We keep secrets,
For shelter
For shelter from pain,
For shelter from loss
Secrets can be lies,
Secrets can be omitted truth
One day,
There will be no secrets,
Between you and I,
That's clearly a lie.
So keep your secrets,
Because I'll keep mine,
And we'll have to see,
What happens down the line.
To protect those we care about
In all honesty though,
Do we?
We hide things,
To protect ourselves,
We keep secrets,
For shelter
For shelter from pain,
For shelter from loss
Secrets can be lies,
Secrets can be omitted truth
One day,
There will be no secrets,
Between you and I,
That's clearly a lie.
So keep your secrets,
Because I'll keep mine,
And we'll have to see,
What happens down the line.
11.18.2010
Keys
I need to get away from this place,
Have a new name,
To play a new game.
So grab your keys,
And come with me,
Start the ignition.
Because if I'm leaving,
I'm not coming back.
So decide.
Decide now,
If you go, drive us fast,
It's sure to last.
Decide now,
If you don't, oh well.
You were swell.
Where I'm going,
I don't know.
Will I stop?
I don't know how.
Have a new name,
To play a new game.
So grab your keys,
And come with me,
Start the ignition.
Because if I'm leaving,
I'm not coming back.
So decide.
Decide now,
If you go, drive us fast,
It's sure to last.
Decide now,
If you don't, oh well.
You were swell.
Where I'm going,
I don't know.
Will I stop?
I don't know how.
11.12.2010
Work
I want it back,
I want it all,
This requires work,
That's all.
I want this,
I need this,
Haven't stopped working,
For it.
I want you to be happy,
I want you to see.
I've done so much work,
So please.
Please be happy for me,
Just like I was for you.
I mean every word I say,
I'll work for it.
But only if you will too.
I want it all,
This requires work,
That's all.
I want this,
I need this,
Haven't stopped working,
For it.
I want you to be happy,
I want you to see.
I've done so much work,
So please.
Please be happy for me,
Just like I was for you.
I mean every word I say,
I'll work for it.
But only if you will too.
11.06.2010
Cold
I'm cold.
It's gotten so old.
Come on,
Your apologies used to have meaning.
I'm cold,
It's gotten so old.
Come on,
You wouldn't have done this unless you meant to.
I'm cold,
It's gotten so old.
Come on,
Keep pushing it until it's gone.
I'm cold,
It's gotten so old.
Come on,
You hurt me and I'm done with it.
I'm cold,
It's gotten so old.
Come on,
We both know I'm not coming back this time.
I'm cold,
It's gotten so old.
Come on,
Don't leave with have a good day.
I'm cold,
I can't feel anymore.
Come on,
Fight if you meant it, just fight for it.
It's gotten so old.
Come on,
Your apologies used to have meaning.
I'm cold,
It's gotten so old.
Come on,
You wouldn't have done this unless you meant to.
I'm cold,
It's gotten so old.
Come on,
Keep pushing it until it's gone.
I'm cold,
It's gotten so old.
Come on,
You hurt me and I'm done with it.
I'm cold,
It's gotten so old.
Come on,
We both know I'm not coming back this time.
I'm cold,
It's gotten so old.
Come on,
Don't leave with have a good day.
I'm cold,
I can't feel anymore.
Come on,
Fight if you meant it, just fight for it.
11.02.2010
Free
Feel the chokehold,
Around your neck,
As the devastating news,
Comes out of her mouth.
You can't breath,
Your pearls enclosing your neck,
Swallow your sadness,
Pull them off.
Your dress,
Squeezing your lungs,
Pushing your air out,
But not coming in.
Reach for the back,
Pull as hard as you can,
Feel the release,
As you unzip.
Finally.
You're free.
Around your neck,
As the devastating news,
Comes out of her mouth.
You can't breath,
Your pearls enclosing your neck,
Swallow your sadness,
Pull them off.
Your dress,
Squeezing your lungs,
Pushing your air out,
But not coming in.
Reach for the back,
Pull as hard as you can,
Feel the release,
As you unzip.
Finally.
You're free.
10.29.2010
The Surprise
Carpe Diem- Seize the day,
To seize the day,
For you and I,
Was prevented by you.
Given you were still a page ahead,
Keeping me behind,
The climax was rising,
And you ruined the ending.
But you were reading Hamlet,
And I, Jane Eyre.
So to seize the day,
I switched the books.
And I kept on reading,
Until I was two pages ahead.
Surprised?
gr11.2008
To seize the day,
For you and I,
Was prevented by you.
Given you were still a page ahead,
Keeping me behind,
The climax was rising,
And you ruined the ending.
But you were reading Hamlet,
And I, Jane Eyre.
So to seize the day,
I switched the books.
And I kept on reading,
Until I was two pages ahead.
Surprised?
gr11.2008
Sorry
I could say I'm sorry,
But I am not,
I'd rather not lie,
And to be lost.
I can't say sorry,
Because you never did,
It's just the way,
The world spins.
I can't write an apology,
To be fair,
'Cause dethroning a queen,
Is embarrassing if she's in her underwear.
I can't say it's fine, let's move on,
Because we can't,
We've tried that once,
And you continue to rant.
I could ignore the pain,
But that wouldn't help us,
I've tried an apology to the world,
Doesn't it seem a little absurd?
So here's to our friendships that never last,
Here's to the pain that made me relapse,
Here's to the dethroning of the social standing,
Here's to me, for once I'm going to be greedy.
Here's to every lie you've told,
Here's to every promise you've broken,
Here's to our friendship lying cold on the ground,
Here's to the one word I'll never hear from you.
Sorry.
gr12.2009
But I am not,
I'd rather not lie,
And to be lost.
I can't say sorry,
Because you never did,
It's just the way,
The world spins.
I can't write an apology,
To be fair,
'Cause dethroning a queen,
Is embarrassing if she's in her underwear.
I can't say it's fine, let's move on,
Because we can't,
We've tried that once,
And you continue to rant.
I could ignore the pain,
But that wouldn't help us,
I've tried an apology to the world,
Doesn't it seem a little absurd?
So here's to our friendships that never last,
Here's to the pain that made me relapse,
Here's to the dethroning of the social standing,
Here's to me, for once I'm going to be greedy.
Here's to every lie you've told,
Here's to every promise you've broken,
Here's to our friendship lying cold on the ground,
Here's to the one word I'll never hear from you.
Sorry.
gr12.2009
Sleep
It was just a dream,
I needed to wake up from,
I keep thinking,
Why won't you leave?
Just leave,
Walk away,
Others do,
Please, I'm asking of you.
You keep appearing,
Three nights now,
I don't want to sleep,
In case you're back.
Just leave,
Walk away,
Others do,
Please, I'm asking of you.
I won't sleep tonight,
Just to get some peace,
Because I rule my choices by day,
But my subconscious kills me at night.
Just leave,
Walk away,
Others do,
Please, I'm asking of you.
I don't want this,
I want sleep and peace,
So leave like I ask,
No more haunting.
I needed to wake up from,
I keep thinking,
Why won't you leave?
Just leave,
Walk away,
Others do,
Please, I'm asking of you.
You keep appearing,
Three nights now,
I don't want to sleep,
In case you're back.
Just leave,
Walk away,
Others do,
Please, I'm asking of you.
I won't sleep tonight,
Just to get some peace,
Because I rule my choices by day,
But my subconscious kills me at night.
Just leave,
Walk away,
Others do,
Please, I'm asking of you.
I don't want this,
I want sleep and peace,
So leave like I ask,
No more haunting.
10.26.2010
7.11
I can't believe it,
So I turn a blind eye,
Take your time,
When it comes to telling me.
I don't know,
What to expect anymore.
Where we even friends?
Or was I just a conquest?
You couldn't have me,
That fuelled your desire,
And I stupidly fell,
For all your lies.
So on the seventh day,
Of the eleventh month,
Will you be there?
Will you wait for the eleventh hour?
Or will you forget?
And not care anymore?
Sad thing is,
I think it will be that.
So I turn a blind eye,
Take your time,
When it comes to telling me.
I don't know,
What to expect anymore.
Where we even friends?
Or was I just a conquest?
You couldn't have me,
That fuelled your desire,
And I stupidly fell,
For all your lies.
So on the seventh day,
Of the eleventh month,
Will you be there?
Will you wait for the eleventh hour?
Or will you forget?
And not care anymore?
Sad thing is,
I think it will be that.
10.25.2010
10.24.2010
10.09.II
As the crisp September air turned into the frigid air of October, she had continued to flourish in her classes. Post-secondary education was turning out to be better than she thought. Her list of friends continued and had a close confident.
“Nick, Nick, stop it!” She giggled as her close friend poked her. “I tell you one little thing about me and you have to take advantage of it!”
He stopped poking her, and their hands dropped by their chairs. She turned her head to the professor who was droning on about sifting for gold and what to do when encounter fool’s gold, all metaphorical of course. Nick delivered a final attempt to tickle her and she grabbed his hand swiftly to stop it. He melded his hand into hers and she didn’t know what to do. At least they were at the back, where no one could see. After a few awkward silences went by, she dropped her hand and turned back to the professor once more.
“Remember, we have to work on Boleyn’s assignment soon,” she wrote on Nick’s page. “We can just do it in my dorm room.”
Nick smiled and nodded his head. She figured it would be fine, her roommate would be home and they’d actual be able to get work done. She knew that Nick liked her and if they got the assignment done soon, she wouldn’t have to be alone with him for a while until it came time to present.
They arrived back in her dorm and her heart sank, as her roommate was noticeably absent. She looked at Nick and he took it in notice as well. She sat on her bed and he followed. She opened her Mac and began to search Safari. He put his arms down and her inner flirt came out. Maybe she was lonely, or maybe she just liked the fact that she had such control over him. She playfully punched him, as the thought entered her mind, you don’t really want him.
Nick wasn’t good looking at all, which normally is her type. She wasn’t superficial in that way, none her relationships had involved someone who she was originally attracted to. He resembled a puppy dog, she thought in her head. He had a poufy, bowl-cut like hair cut that was parted before his forehead and thick eyebrows. His teeth were weird as well, a bit yellowed and just in general, a really ugly puppy, something she didn’t think was possible.
He pulled her closer and began his stupid tickling method to get her to laugh. She hated being tickled more than anything because it had become an annoyance with Nick. Nick annoyed her for some reason and she couldn’t bring herself to tell him no. She wanted what was best for her, and maybe he was it. Maybe she’d grow to like him, like she grew to like her previous boyfriends. Settling wasn’t what she preferred, but she realized she should be open to anything.
He continued to tickle her, and she couldn’t stop laughing. Suddenly, she wanted him off of her and tried squirming away. She fell off the tiny bed and he feel on top of her.
“Well, this is awkward,” she stated. He rolled off of her and put his arm around her and they laid there on the floor. “How about we move into the bed?”
She couldn’t believe she just said that, to Nick of all people. To her though, cuddling was something you could do with your brother, or guy friend without it meaning a thing. This wasn’t clearly what Nick had in mind though once he got on the bed with her. She was on her stomach, with her shirt slightly rolled up. Nick took notice, and began to stroke her back.
How long had it been since she had sex? Just a little over a year and she was slightly relieved by that. Losing it to Edmund was stupid, indefinitely. For someone who vowed she’d wait at least a year for sex in a relationship, losing it after two months after a workout on August 2nd of the previous year was dumb. She thought she could force herself into love with the boy who worshipped the ground she walked on. In the end, she couldn’t and broke it off at the beginning of September, only to make the bigger mistake of soberly sleeping with him on his birthday later that month. He then decided the best revenge when she “tore out his heart and stomped on it” was to go after her friends. He went through many, all in a matter of weeks, but finally found one who complied. Jill. The amount of drama Jill caused with her wasn’t worth it, and she endured death threats for the rest of the year. She missed the way it felt with a guy’s body wrapped around hers though and Nick was willing to supply that.
Nick’s fingertips grazed her spine and she moved her body closer to his. She could kiss him, but part of her held back. She was sober, and not willing to make a mistake unless she could blame it on the alcohol. Nick was the closest thing she had at the school and she was very aware of her platonic feelings towards him. But still, pushing his limits would be somewhat fun to experiment with. She retracted back a little and Nick took notice. He began to stroke her face and as she opened her eyes, he quickly came towards her with his lips.
“What. The. Hell!” She pushed him off of her as he attempted a second try.
“No?”
“NO!” she yelled. “Nick, you’re my friend, nothing else.”
“Oh,” he said depressively.
“I’m sorry if I misled you, I always do this! I’m really sorry, I just, I’m just a tease I guess.”
“Yeah, it’s okay.” Nick started to get up and grab his jacket off her desk chair.
“I’m really sorry Nick, I’ll talk to you later?”
“Yeah, okay, bye.” He awkwardly spoke as she shut the distressed door behind him.
She crawled into bed and pulled the covers over her head. She shifted around, uncomfortable, finding her phone in between her shoulder blades. Picking it up, she noticed that her friend Samantha had texted her asking about Nick. She sent back the details, making her less of a tease and making him more obsessed. She then drifted to sleep.
“Nick, Nick, stop it!” She giggled as her close friend poked her. “I tell you one little thing about me and you have to take advantage of it!”
He stopped poking her, and their hands dropped by their chairs. She turned her head to the professor who was droning on about sifting for gold and what to do when encounter fool’s gold, all metaphorical of course. Nick delivered a final attempt to tickle her and she grabbed his hand swiftly to stop it. He melded his hand into hers and she didn’t know what to do. At least they were at the back, where no one could see. After a few awkward silences went by, she dropped her hand and turned back to the professor once more.
“Remember, we have to work on Boleyn’s assignment soon,” she wrote on Nick’s page. “We can just do it in my dorm room.”
Nick smiled and nodded his head. She figured it would be fine, her roommate would be home and they’d actual be able to get work done. She knew that Nick liked her and if they got the assignment done soon, she wouldn’t have to be alone with him for a while until it came time to present.
They arrived back in her dorm and her heart sank, as her roommate was noticeably absent. She looked at Nick and he took it in notice as well. She sat on her bed and he followed. She opened her Mac and began to search Safari. He put his arms down and her inner flirt came out. Maybe she was lonely, or maybe she just liked the fact that she had such control over him. She playfully punched him, as the thought entered her mind, you don’t really want him.
Nick wasn’t good looking at all, which normally is her type. She wasn’t superficial in that way, none her relationships had involved someone who she was originally attracted to. He resembled a puppy dog, she thought in her head. He had a poufy, bowl-cut like hair cut that was parted before his forehead and thick eyebrows. His teeth were weird as well, a bit yellowed and just in general, a really ugly puppy, something she didn’t think was possible.
He pulled her closer and began his stupid tickling method to get her to laugh. She hated being tickled more than anything because it had become an annoyance with Nick. Nick annoyed her for some reason and she couldn’t bring herself to tell him no. She wanted what was best for her, and maybe he was it. Maybe she’d grow to like him, like she grew to like her previous boyfriends. Settling wasn’t what she preferred, but she realized she should be open to anything.
He continued to tickle her, and she couldn’t stop laughing. Suddenly, she wanted him off of her and tried squirming away. She fell off the tiny bed and he feel on top of her.
“Well, this is awkward,” she stated. He rolled off of her and put his arm around her and they laid there on the floor. “How about we move into the bed?”
She couldn’t believe she just said that, to Nick of all people. To her though, cuddling was something you could do with your brother, or guy friend without it meaning a thing. This wasn’t clearly what Nick had in mind though once he got on the bed with her. She was on her stomach, with her shirt slightly rolled up. Nick took notice, and began to stroke her back.
How long had it been since she had sex? Just a little over a year and she was slightly relieved by that. Losing it to Edmund was stupid, indefinitely. For someone who vowed she’d wait at least a year for sex in a relationship, losing it after two months after a workout on August 2nd of the previous year was dumb. She thought she could force herself into love with the boy who worshipped the ground she walked on. In the end, she couldn’t and broke it off at the beginning of September, only to make the bigger mistake of soberly sleeping with him on his birthday later that month. He then decided the best revenge when she “tore out his heart and stomped on it” was to go after her friends. He went through many, all in a matter of weeks, but finally found one who complied. Jill. The amount of drama Jill caused with her wasn’t worth it, and she endured death threats for the rest of the year. She missed the way it felt with a guy’s body wrapped around hers though and Nick was willing to supply that.
Nick’s fingertips grazed her spine and she moved her body closer to his. She could kiss him, but part of her held back. She was sober, and not willing to make a mistake unless she could blame it on the alcohol. Nick was the closest thing she had at the school and she was very aware of her platonic feelings towards him. But still, pushing his limits would be somewhat fun to experiment with. She retracted back a little and Nick took notice. He began to stroke her face and as she opened her eyes, he quickly came towards her with his lips.
“What. The. Hell!” She pushed him off of her as he attempted a second try.
“No?”
“NO!” she yelled. “Nick, you’re my friend, nothing else.”
“Oh,” he said depressively.
“I’m sorry if I misled you, I always do this! I’m really sorry, I just, I’m just a tease I guess.”
“Yeah, it’s okay.” Nick started to get up and grab his jacket off her desk chair.
“I’m really sorry Nick, I’ll talk to you later?”
“Yeah, okay, bye.” He awkwardly spoke as she shut the distressed door behind him.
She crawled into bed and pulled the covers over her head. She shifted around, uncomfortable, finding her phone in between her shoulder blades. Picking it up, she noticed that her friend Samantha had texted her asking about Nick. She sent back the details, making her less of a tease and making him more obsessed. She then drifted to sleep.
Too Well
I know a lot,
I know a lot of things.
I know many people,
I know many facts.
I know you,
And I know me.
I know you,
When you wouldn't look me in the eye,
That you were trying to hide,
Something that would hurt me.
I know you,
So in a way, I already knew,
That's the funny thing,
Only to have a friend confirm it's true.
I know you,
Too well.
I know a lot of things.
I know many people,
I know many facts.
I know you,
And I know me.
I know you,
When you wouldn't look me in the eye,
That you were trying to hide,
Something that would hurt me.
I know you,
So in a way, I already knew,
That's the funny thing,
Only to have a friend confirm it's true.
I know you,
Too well.
10.23.2010
10.09.I
then I called you
"I need you to pretend that we are in love
again." and you agreed too
-Clark Gable, The Postal Service
She swallowed the final gulp of her water and hid behind the bulkiness of her newfound friend. The library rules were enforced under the Red Shirts, who already noticed her defiance of the rules long ago, even though she’s only been there for a month.
“So what do you think?” Jimmy pointing at the social networking site, with a picture of his brother, the same age as her.
“He’s good looking,” Jamie spoke before she could say anything.
“He’s all right I guess,” she shrugged.
“What? My brother not your type?” he demanded and she shook her head. “Then what is your type?”
The library was barren of people, even though just hours before it was filled with voices and laughter, along with the clicking of the keyboards. She looked around, and she saw him. He was standing quite a ways away, but something just caught her eye. Jimmy caught on and peered at him, as did Jamie.
“That’s your type? Want me to go see if he’s single?”
“Jimmy, don’t! Please, I look like crap and he’ll take one look at me and just say no regardless.”
“Come on Jimmy, don’t, the girl’s asking you not to.” Jamie chorused into her pleas.
Jimmy rose up, exposing her and her water bottle in hand. The Red Shirt shot a look and she dropped the bottle on the ground before his eyes found the plastic enemy. She stared in horror as Jimmy walked slowly towards him, each step making her more nervous. She put her head down and Jamie narrated the scene.
“He’s talking to him, oh my God, he’s so stupid! Now the guy’s looking over here. He’s smiling! Aw, he looks happy! Look up, he’s looking and wave!” Jamie waved as well and pointed down to her friend’s hidden face.
It seemed like an eternity that she had her face planted to the laminate surface of the countertop and she heard Jimmy’s hard footsteps on the floor. The creak of his chair and his exhale let her know he was there and ready to talk.
“He’s got a girlfriend.”
“Oh,” she said. “Well, I saw that one coming.”
She watched as the guy walked by the all glass wall of the library. He looked content to hear about how some girl wanted him. Oh well, she thought, she made his day at least and since the school is so large, there’s no chance in hell she’ll see him again.
"I need you to pretend that we are in love
again." and you agreed too
-Clark Gable, The Postal Service
She swallowed the final gulp of her water and hid behind the bulkiness of her newfound friend. The library rules were enforced under the Red Shirts, who already noticed her defiance of the rules long ago, even though she’s only been there for a month.
“So what do you think?” Jimmy pointing at the social networking site, with a picture of his brother, the same age as her.
“He’s good looking,” Jamie spoke before she could say anything.
“He’s all right I guess,” she shrugged.
“What? My brother not your type?” he demanded and she shook her head. “Then what is your type?”
The library was barren of people, even though just hours before it was filled with voices and laughter, along with the clicking of the keyboards. She looked around, and she saw him. He was standing quite a ways away, but something just caught her eye. Jimmy caught on and peered at him, as did Jamie.
“That’s your type? Want me to go see if he’s single?”
“Jimmy, don’t! Please, I look like crap and he’ll take one look at me and just say no regardless.”
“Come on Jimmy, don’t, the girl’s asking you not to.” Jamie chorused into her pleas.
Jimmy rose up, exposing her and her water bottle in hand. The Red Shirt shot a look and she dropped the bottle on the ground before his eyes found the plastic enemy. She stared in horror as Jimmy walked slowly towards him, each step making her more nervous. She put her head down and Jamie narrated the scene.
“He’s talking to him, oh my God, he’s so stupid! Now the guy’s looking over here. He’s smiling! Aw, he looks happy! Look up, he’s looking and wave!” Jamie waved as well and pointed down to her friend’s hidden face.
It seemed like an eternity that she had her face planted to the laminate surface of the countertop and she heard Jimmy’s hard footsteps on the floor. The creak of his chair and his exhale let her know he was there and ready to talk.
“He’s got a girlfriend.”
“Oh,” she said. “Well, I saw that one coming.”
She watched as the guy walked by the all glass wall of the library. He looked content to hear about how some girl wanted him. Oh well, she thought, she made his day at least and since the school is so large, there’s no chance in hell she’ll see him again.
Pony
I wanted a pony. A pony was the one thing I wanted more in the entire world. Hell, I still want a pony. I don’t even ride horses, in fact, I don’t like riding horses the two times I did it. It hurt my legs and you go back and forth constantly which is mildly nauseating. But I wanted a pony more than anything else in this world.
I don't know why. I just did. So if you can understand why I wanted the pony, let me know. But that's not the story I mean to tell today. The story I mean to tell is not over. The problem is it can be considered to stem from the want of a pony.
Shit has to happen somewhere.
It all starts on November 12th.
I don't know why. I just did. So if you can understand why I wanted the pony, let me know. But that's not the story I mean to tell today. The story I mean to tell is not over. The problem is it can be considered to stem from the want of a pony.
Shit has to happen somewhere.
It all starts on November 12th.
Real
Disappear,
Confirming your worst fear,
I don't know,
If i'm going to come back.
Disappear,
Giving into my fear,
I won't give up,
Or let you down again.
Disappear,
Running from the fear,
I've lost,
And this time may be forever.
I'll hid, I'll run,
I'll avoid, I'll confirm,
I have great fears,
And now they're all real.
Confirming your worst fear,
I don't know,
If i'm going to come back.
Disappear,
Giving into my fear,
I won't give up,
Or let you down again.
Disappear,
Running from the fear,
I've lost,
And this time may be forever.
I'll hid, I'll run,
I'll avoid, I'll confirm,
I have great fears,
And now they're all real.
10.14.2010
Folded
I wake up in the dark,
Groggy as fuck,
Don’t know where I was
Or who I was last night.
I grab the blanket,
Wrap it tight,
Turn to the side,
And widen my eyes.
I don’t know the face,
But I know a name,
And it’s rolled off my tongue,
Before last night.
My memory scans,
Back to one of the last days,
When I was eighteen,
I was near freedom.
I shift back,
And close my eyes,
And wait,
Until the sun rises.
Daylight comes,
I roll over,
And there is a piece of paper,
In his place.
Folded.
Groggy as fuck,
Don’t know where I was
Or who I was last night.
I grab the blanket,
Wrap it tight,
Turn to the side,
And widen my eyes.
I don’t know the face,
But I know a name,
And it’s rolled off my tongue,
Before last night.
My memory scans,
Back to one of the last days,
When I was eighteen,
I was near freedom.
I shift back,
And close my eyes,
And wait,
Until the sun rises.
Daylight comes,
I roll over,
And there is a piece of paper,
In his place.
Folded.
10.13.2010
Ego
I'm perfectly lonely,
You're perfectly accompanied.
I won't stand in your way,
But sometimes, I can't help to say,
You let your ego get in the way.
Every time you'd ask.
Why don't I express my feelings?
You want me to be open.
I'd rather not know,
Then feel the pain of knowing,
I asked for freedom,
And I got it.
You let your ego get in the way.
I won't feed it.
But you have no clue,
How I feel anymore.
So deal your cards,
Let them fall where they may,
But know my hand,
Will always be the same.
They've been the same since day one,
And yet I try to run.
So your ego's in the way,
And I'm done getting played.
But remember, my hand,
Is still the same.
You're perfectly accompanied.
I won't stand in your way,
But sometimes, I can't help to say,
You let your ego get in the way.
Every time you'd ask.
Why don't I express my feelings?
You want me to be open.
I'd rather not know,
Then feel the pain of knowing,
I asked for freedom,
And I got it.
You let your ego get in the way.
I won't feed it.
But you have no clue,
How I feel anymore.
So deal your cards,
Let them fall where they may,
But know my hand,
Will always be the same.
They've been the same since day one,
And yet I try to run.
So your ego's in the way,
And I'm done getting played.
But remember, my hand,
Is still the same.
10.08.2010
88
88
Here I say
88
I'm still standing even though
88
Has done me wrong
88
Is not your friend
88
Is for those who can't comprehend that
88
Is for fools.
88
Will almost kill you
88
Will never be there for you
88
Is just plain old bullshit.
You know what's not 88?
807
And it'll be your best friend.
Here I say
88
I'm still standing even though
88
Has done me wrong
88
Is not your friend
88
Is for those who can't comprehend that
88
Is for fools.
88
Will almost kill you
88
Will never be there for you
88
Is just plain old bullshit.
You know what's not 88?
807
And it'll be your best friend.
9.12.2010
Letter #5
Hey,
It's funny how we used to be friends.
It's amazing how much a month can change one thing.
Do me a favour, don't ask me for shit, don't even breathe in my direction. You deserve the karma that will come to you.
You're no worse than your enemies.
All I have to do is wait.
It's funny how we used to be friends.
It's amazing how much a month can change one thing.
Do me a favour, don't ask me for shit, don't even breathe in my direction. You deserve the karma that will come to you.
You're no worse than your enemies.
All I have to do is wait.
8.24.2010
8.11.2010
Silly Girl
You're just a silly girl,
You don't know what love is,
You can't define it,
You can't because it's him.
You're just a silly girl,
You don't know what you're getting into,
You can't do this,
You can't because I'm here.
You're just a silly girl,
You don't know but I'm his world,
You can't see it,
You can't because you're too young.
You're just a silly girl.
You don't know what love is,
You can't define it,
You can't because it's him.
You're just a silly girl,
You don't know what you're getting into,
You can't do this,
You can't because I'm here.
You're just a silly girl,
You don't know but I'm his world,
You can't see it,
You can't because you're too young.
You're just a silly girl.
8.03.2010
Everybody Hates Me
Everybody Hates Me
So you say Peace out bitch,
That you’re over this bullshit?
I say, why don’t we start from the beginning?
Which really is insane, on your part anyways…
Everybody hates me,
You’re so right,
Simply because I just won’t fight
Team Me is losing, and that’s fine
You’re not even worth a dime,
Oh and by the way,
Team You, keeps on winning the battles
But what happens when…
I win the war?
See neutral Belgium is over there
Watching and waiting for us to fight
Oh it’s so funny when I’m right
You’re right, everybody hates me,
The stoners, the--- oh wait!
That’s it.
The stoners hate me, right?
Because they’re everybody to you!
I forgot it’s a small world after all,
At least in your head it is.
So Peace out Bitch.
So you say Peace out bitch,
That you’re over this bullshit?
I say, why don’t we start from the beginning?
Which really is insane, on your part anyways…
Everybody hates me,
You’re so right,
Simply because I just won’t fight
Team Me is losing, and that’s fine
You’re not even worth a dime,
Oh and by the way,
Team You, keeps on winning the battles
But what happens when…
I win the war?
See neutral Belgium is over there
Watching and waiting for us to fight
Oh it’s so funny when I’m right
You’re right, everybody hates me,
The stoners, the--- oh wait!
That’s it.
The stoners hate me, right?
Because they’re everybody to you!
I forgot it’s a small world after all,
At least in your head it is.
So Peace out Bitch.
The News Show
The News Show
It lagged around me for a year,
It killed me inside for you were King Lear,
You met me and it happened so fast
Everyone says it’ll never last
You made the move across the board,
I surrendered my queen to your lord,
Yet I attribute all of this,
To your one simple kiss
You chose to lie, cheat and steal,
It burned up the rest of our movie reel,
I learned to walk on my own,
Even took someone else’s heart on loan.
That loaned heart was mine to keep,
It was easy to see him leap,
I never meant to have it that long,
Memories ring in my head like a gong
The demise of the tries,
Was covered by my lies,
You stole something that was meant to sell,
Yet he did as well
Now he wants to forget.
And I can’t let go.
How’s that for a news show?
It lagged around me for a year,
It killed me inside for you were King Lear,
You met me and it happened so fast
Everyone says it’ll never last
You made the move across the board,
I surrendered my queen to your lord,
Yet I attribute all of this,
To your one simple kiss
You chose to lie, cheat and steal,
It burned up the rest of our movie reel,
I learned to walk on my own,
Even took someone else’s heart on loan.
That loaned heart was mine to keep,
It was easy to see him leap,
I never meant to have it that long,
Memories ring in my head like a gong
The demise of the tries,
Was covered by my lies,
You stole something that was meant to sell,
Yet he did as well
Now he wants to forget.
And I can’t let go.
How’s that for a news show?
6.27.2010
Letter #4
I don't want you to just love being my friend.
I don't want to just be there, the supporting actress to the story of your life.
No matter what, I will always want to be the one, not an understudy.
I can't keep waiting for you to look at me the same way you used to.
You're suppressing it.
But I'm not going to wait, because let's be honest.
You've been suppressing it since the day I left.
Because I want it all or nothing all.
-Kate
I don't want to just be there, the supporting actress to the story of your life.
No matter what, I will always want to be the one, not an understudy.
I can't keep waiting for you to look at me the same way you used to.
You're suppressing it.
But I'm not going to wait, because let's be honest.
You've been suppressing it since the day I left.
Because I want it all or nothing all.
-Kate
6.25.2010
Letter #3
You're absolutely pathetic, I hope you're aware.
Because you know what you are? A scared little boy who refuses to grow up. You can't see anything past your pain and take what you learned from that to grow. Did you ever think I'm not her? Or do you just naturally assume every girl will do the same thing? We used to be perfect together, until you suppressed your feelings and seemingly forgot about me.
Do me a favour. Tell me you don't have those feelings anymore so I can move on.
But know this, our story is unfinished.
-Lana
Because you know what you are? A scared little boy who refuses to grow up. You can't see anything past your pain and take what you learned from that to grow. Did you ever think I'm not her? Or do you just naturally assume every girl will do the same thing? We used to be perfect together, until you suppressed your feelings and seemingly forgot about me.
Do me a favour. Tell me you don't have those feelings anymore so I can move on.
But know this, our story is unfinished.
-Lana
6.24.2010
Letter #1
Hey,
So I like you. Which is not right because you're with someone else and I also have someone else. I don't know how to tell you this, but I need you out of my life.
Please understand that I give you everything I can, but at the same time, I get nothing in return. It's selfish on my part but what else can I say? A lover or a friend, you're still the worst thing that could've ever happened to me.
I know. Saying that seems dramatic but you see, I was fine. Happy that I was single and carefree and could do whatever I wanted. And no matter what you do, even by simply missing me and telling me pulls me back when I'm just about to move on. I can't do this anymore.
I need this more than you will ever know.
So this is goodbye.
-Alicia
So I like you. Which is not right because you're with someone else and I also have someone else. I don't know how to tell you this, but I need you out of my life.
Please understand that I give you everything I can, but at the same time, I get nothing in return. It's selfish on my part but what else can I say? A lover or a friend, you're still the worst thing that could've ever happened to me.
I know. Saying that seems dramatic but you see, I was fine. Happy that I was single and carefree and could do whatever I wanted. And no matter what you do, even by simply missing me and telling me pulls me back when I'm just about to move on. I can't do this anymore.
I need this more than you will ever know.
So this is goodbye.
-Alicia
6.02.2010
Sweet Dreams
You said sweet dreams,
I began to smile.
It had only lasted though,
For the while.
Now the past is over,
Except the memories here,
Are prominent in our thoughts,
The future's not clear.
He says sweet dreams,
I can't smile,
Because he doesn't know that I'm living,
In a waking nightmare of us.
He says sweet dreams,
I began to tear up,
Can't let him see,
I still care
He says sweet dreams,
I tell him not to say that,
He asks why,
I tell him it's too baby-ish
He says sweet dreams,
While I'm living in this nightmare
5.24.2010
Even Though
She sits in quiet,
Each morning it’s painful,
She’ll get ready to live
Even though she’d rather die.
She changes her look,
Each day, it’s different,
She’ll do it for the boys,
Even though she wants to cry.
She downs the drink,
Each night it’s the same.
She’ll move on for show,
Even though she’s alone.
She stares off at nothing,
Each second she’s with anyone,
She’ll think of him,
Even though he left her behind.
She wishes at 11:11,
Each dark sky she does
She’ll wish and has hope
Even though he’s with another.
She sees him with the other,
Each hour she does,
She’ll feel the knife twist,
Even though she’s worth more
She laughs at their jokes,
Each moment it’s a lie,
She’ll be a flirt,
Even though he’s her only thought
She pretends to be just a friend
Each time he writes to her,
She’ll think it’s better than nothing
Even though she deserves his love.
She smiles at others,
Each minute she’s in a crowd,
She’ll have a good time,
Even though there’s pain on the inside.
She will smile, pretend, laugh, see, wish, stare, downs, change and sit,
Each minute, time, moment, hour, dark, second, night, day and morning.
She’ll do it for you,
Even though you don’t deserve it.
Prada Knock Off
Prada Knock-off
A knock-off’s not hard to see,
Especially when it’s one of me.
A cheap version of what we had.
I’m not pretending,
I never lost it, like you did.
You know she’s not me,
And I’ll never meet my match
Because she’s just a Prada knock-off.
She misses you, she loves you.
A baby, all on her own.
Similar hair, similar life.
Yet she’s just a little lie.
There’s no length I won’t go,
I never lost it, like you did,
You know she’s not me,
And I’ll never meet my match
Because she’s just a Prada knock-off.
I know what you want,
Let’s face it, I know
You better than you.
Indications, hold it right there.
Grasp my hand,
Remember the touch,
A knock-off doesn’t come close.
I’ll bit my lip soon.
We’ve been through so much,
And though I’m gone
You linger in my thoughts.
Replace me, Retrace me,
But she’s just a Prada knock-off.
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